Seems impossible for so much to have happened in just three hundred sixty five days.
In the last 365 days I have endured what has for sure been the most difficult year of my life. In the last 365 days I have endured so much unexpected change. In the last 365 days I have seen some of the best pieces of myself and some of the worst pieces of myself. I have been strong, I have been weak, I have been powerful, I have been taken advantage of, I have lost a lot but I have gained even more.
In the last 365 days I have dealt with the diagnosis of cancer in my mother and grandma, the painful passing of my grandmother, intense chemotherapy and two surgeries with my mother. On the flip side, I got to see my mom kick cancers ass, like it was a stomach flu-literally. A no words can describe how amazing it feels to say my mom is cancer free after all we have been through.
I changed my career path, completely. I left the ONLY thing I ever knew for something completely out of my comfort zone. I left what was safe, familiar and easy for me for something I was not even sure I would be good at. I have succeed and found something else I can do well. Something else that I am passionate about. Something else that inspires me. I felt dead inside at the end of my dance career and I am so happy to say I am alive once again!
I broke a heart and I had my heart broken. I learned that I am capable of loving which is something I thought for a very long time I was not able to do. I can be a mush. I can be needy. I can be “that girl” I always thought was weak. Why did I think that a woman who is in love with a man was weak? So long as the man is worthy, the woman is not weak but strong for trusting her instinct to let her guard down and let someone in. Life is not meant to be spent alone…no matter how successful you are…you must give your love to a person who deserves it. I did break a heart and like I said, I got my own heart broken a little later but I learned…I learned that I do have it in me. I learned I am capable and when I do find someone, I will be able to love fully, with no doubts or fear.
I moved. I am back to the city I love. The city that inspires me. A city that drives me to be the absolute best version of myself.
As I reflect on these 365 days, I think about all of the different emotions I have been through. Worry, devastation, concern, confusion, heart break, loss. However with every one of these negative emotions there was a positive one to follow it- a sense of accomplishment, happiness, fruitfulness, fulfillment, inspiration, lust.
On May 11th, 365 days will have passed since the worst day of my life. They day I found out my mom and grandma had cancer. 365 days that have bought out the best and the worst in me.
I will use this one year bench mark as a time to take total control of my life. These past 365 days have been a transition. They have laid the foundation to the rest of my life…I leave the bad behind and I take all I have learned with me.
I look forward to the next 365 days of my life with courage to conquer all that gives me struggle, with ambition to climb to the top of the corporate ladder, the inspiration to be creative with what I love and share it with the world and the hope to find love, be loved and give all the love that I have in my tremendous heart to my friends, to my family and to someone special.
Almost 365 days have gone by since the last time I saw my grandma walk. It is the last day of my life that I lived with no worry. It is the last day I walked in to my home and my entire family unit was present and we were not in a hospital. It was the last day my family was, what it was before May 11th, 2013. It was Mother’s Day.
But for me it is a benchmark. 365 days from the worst day of my life, of our lives, but an allowance to make the next 365 days the best days of our lives.
Happy Mother’s Day to my Mom, who is so important to me I can’t even put it in to the right words. To my Grandma who I miss with every beat of my heart and blink of my eye. To my Aunt Di and Thersea who I know are going to find it difficult to smile this year but I hope you find a way to be happy- 365 days from the worst day of our lives, but an allowance to make the next 365 days the best days of our lives.
Love to all….